atlas shrugged

if all that is left is answers
who will provide the questions?
i cant provide the details
but ive got a few suggestions
when men become
what they fear
and fear what theyve become
what is left of them
but a man
becoming nothing but fear?
and fearing nothing but to change
to change the scope of your view
and see whats old as new
to enlighten your life
is a fear that is true
so many false fears
and phobias of hope
so many lives lived
on the end of a rope
theres so little left
when your exposed at your core
theres so few hopes
when the souls an open sore
when foundatoins crumble
and men grumble
when lights flicker
and the earth rumbles
the basis slips
the ballist dips
the water rushes
then paitenly drips
the drip of insanity
the drip of profanity
the drip of a lie
of life slowling damning, see?
when the course is lost
you being to wonder
why your set at sea
and though no boats on the horizion
what could the destination be?
freedoms what we seek
from whom or what we cannot know
for we hide the truths from our selves
in an ignorant loving glow
the dust under the rug
scatters quickly
when atlas shrugs

im readin atlas shrugged by ayn rand...if youve never read it that sucks you should its damn good and if you have hopefully you enjoy the poem. either way im off to bed:)

a short one to stay consistant

who are we to desire
what we have not earned
who are we to be angry
when by the world were spurned
theres no easy answers
for complex querrys
and what you find
just creates fury
if you demand satisfaction
why ask all these questions
if you want all thats truth
study your lessons
and lessen your desires
for what you will not gain
itll ease the crush
of the tidal waves of pain

one day

so many thoughts of you
dancing inside me head
i dream about you
in my waking hours
and hear your voice in my dreams
so often i imagine
your gentle lips against mine
and so often ive thought of
our fingers intertwined
i dont kno what you look like
but i already kno your perfect
excatally what i need
a gift of love
from the one who knows me best
though ive never heard your voice
i know it must be sweet
like fresh berrys in the summer
though ive never felt your lips
i kno their soft
like the most divine velvet
thought ive never touched your hands
i kno they fit in mine
the missing piece to the puzzle
that is me
i cant wait to meet you
and share a love like no other
written by god
and meant for me and you
i cant wait to talk to you
and hear the melody of voice
playing in my ears
i cant wait to kiss you
and feel your smooth lips
sliding across mine
and i cant wait to hold your hands
and feel them safely with in mine
i pray for you daily
for your walk and your life
that when we meet the timing will be perfect
and when we talk it will be like i cant imagine
when we kiss we will ignite each others hearts
and when we touch
it will be the most beautiful thing
either of us have ever known

i work

living and breathing
loving every thing im seeing
its hard to explain
all that im feeling
i look in my minds eye
prune it like a bonsai
hope to be a reflection
in my life of gods light
ive been so cluttered
upstains in my mind
words that ive muttered
become hard to define
so some times i pray more
try not to say more
thans need to say
to explain my metaphors
im trying to compile
my writing to a style
thats more discrptive of life
and gives you profile
on the man before you
one who will implore you
to explain who you are
and learn to explore you
your ideas and thoughts
preceptions youve cought
what make you you
and what make you not
and i use this to disipline
myself from within
and perhaps its a form
of mental medacine
so when i begin to question
or call you and beacon
answers about our livs
please dont feel threated
im learing more about you
and more about me
its away of understanting
and becoming free

longing

some times i feel so lonely
i want my one and only
i know im not ready
my lifes hardly steady
but i want and pray for her
wait each day for her
i kno i need to be patient
but i have troubel wating
all in gods time
but i wish hed do things in mine
i wanna write work and read
and love her till i bleed
i kno she the one that hes made for me
thats why i wait so patiently
but i for her i long
its hard to stay strong
but ill continue to wait
for gods perfect date

evening time

oi, its the 12th already. how time flys at the end of summer. its getting close to fall and ive been thinking over the past month that this winter id like to start a novel. i dont really have any writing experience......as a matter of fact i almost never did a writing assignment during skool unless a kid payed me to do one for them. but they usually got a good grade. i do however love to write and have tons to say. so ive been putting a plot togther (no im not going to give you the details) and im going to start my outline tomarrow evening after dinner...well i might work on it a bit tonight but no promises. other than that im just really excited to start organizing these books. i hope things work out. well i guess since i havent written yet today its that time. but ive got emails, and a story outline to start, plus a doc appt tomarrow. YEY for insurance! well with no furthe hesitation....

ouch this hurts
trying to write
but no words
ive talked alot today
maybe ive said
all i have to say
maybe maybe not
but the only way to kno
is to start
its been a long one
8 am
im finally yawnin
at 10 pm
work, study and prayer
ate my daily bread
just writin a few lines
before i rest my head
words some times
come so easly
and others you work
even if its measily
but diligence is key
and hard work required
want my feet on solid ground
out of this quagmire
so i type these simple lines
and yawn a tired yawn
im ready for today to end
and tomarrow have begun

so today was awesome. i voulanteer at a local coffee shop (though it could be called a loco coffee shop). my pastor runs it and im organizing his personal library and in jan im starting a 6 month outreach/minestry internship. and im volunteering. but the internship is full time and with my studies im also working there full time. YES no more dirty dish. to bad i dont wanna make coffee. i dont like coffe..i dont drink coffee....i dont want to make it. i kno im so spoiled. so i talked to dave my pastor and he was like....well you have sales experince and your already doin my library. and he wants to take the small used book sectoin about 3000 books and turn it into a full blown book store. and to do that guess what you need........you got it. books. well today a local book store thats closing donated 7000 books! yes that is alot of books. but between now and jan we dont want to let 7000 books just sit in a pile...what to do what to do. well daves filing for a grant right now since the business is nonprofit i think you can do that kind of stuff.....and if he gets it he will be able to afford me to work full time. that means no more dishes even soon. so the point of this post. god provides. knock and the door will open in ways you cant imagine. i mean ya we figured god would get us some books. enough to keep us busy and slowly expand. instead god hooked us up. i mean 7000 free books. that rocks. hard. so rember next time your not sure, in doubt, or just plain confused talk to your man, and stop worrying so much. he will listen and take care of you in ways you cant imagine. it will be so good when it happens youll know you could have wained twice as long for the same thing. but god dosent want to punish us. just have us trust him. i dont think thats to much to ask.^_^

a prayer before bed

i thank you lord
your goodness i cant describe
your faithfulness abounds
and knowing you keeps me alive
thank you so much
for every thing you provide
so much in abundance
you never ever hide
your always there for support
exactally when i need you
i kno your faithfulness abounds
im glad ive got to meet you
i cant want for the day
when i see you face to face
to kneel before you in worship
and truly kno your grace
your hands are always on me
gently pushing me forward
take me on your path oh god
i trust in you my lord
guard my dreams for sleep
and watch out for all my peeps
i need you always god
every time i breathe
im sorry when i rebel
its so deep in my nature
im sorry i lust for her
its so hard to escape her
so please keep me close
bless me with the holy ghost
and when i get to heaven
we can have a toast
or at least i can toast to you
and every thing you do
i wish id known you sooner
ive been such a fool
i wont say i dont miss my old life
it tempts me every day
but since ive met you god
i kno theres a better way
so i thank you again
your truely a friend
some to be trusted
from begining to the end
in jesus my saviors name
.......amen

patience my dear watson
damn i almost got em
forgot what im chasin
but i kno im near the bottom
of this mystery
of misery
if i get lost in it
youll be missin me
till then please quite dissin me
doubtin me
runnin lips
talkin bout me
im just doin what i do
tryin to make it with out a G
i robbed
been robbed
sold drugs
gave hugs
to full time thungs
and my people gave me nothin but love
i sold pot
got cought
went back
and stacked knots
few folks that knew me
said i was on top
but it was not the stop
4 women
but it was not that hot
5ths of gin
wine bottles to pop
but it aint all its cracked up to be
when you lose track of your family
do so much dirt
you lost track of your identity
and if you find it its shinin
but most of us lose it
out gridin
then its to late
to many wasted dates
to much hate
and we ready to discriminate
hard from not hard
gangsta from fronta
hes packin heat
hes just a runna
but in the end they aint your friends
cause friends is friends despite the ends
despite the drugs
the money
the booze
and the whores
family is family
when you aint gettin yours
by your side when you need em
a hug EVERY TIME you meet em
and through all this i found
really i need jesus
if all life is
is money
and hustlin
whats to stop me
from goin out and bustin em
pop shots
or jackin
smokin blunts
till dawns crackin
lien to girls when im mackin
if thats all there is
there aint nothin
cause all this lifes
so disgusting
and in the end its all frontin
when ya dead and goin
people be gettin on
and if thats all youve done
then its finished
fanito
no one cares if you had kilos
no one cares cause its evil
and the story will eat folks
thats why my hopes in above
where i look to for love
forget the rest of this life
i find my rest in my god
so say ya prayers
so ya graces
travel to different places
but rember he created you
he knows all your different faces
so dont try to lie or hide
just be down to ride
and all that you need
will come in his time

hmmm i actually like that *pats self on back* i guess i should write so more when i wake up...i need sleep after a 10 hour shift when i got home at 2 am!