blah blah blah yackety smackity aka yada yada yada

ugh i just posted my post from last night today..some how i am useless. please dont ask my to explain. oh and people that you work with a usually stupid. and if they are not you are the stupid one. sorry for the bad news. but work was so useless i dont even wanna talk about it. im just gonna write one poem to aviod guilt. cause if i dont ill be kickin my own ass later. and thats always awkward. so here it goes

its hard to write
with nothing in your noggin
you try and try
ya just feel like your sloggin
through work
you dont desereve
whos got the nerve
well fuck em
why you doin this
cause i must son
its hard to explain
dont ask for a plan
im just writing to write
i hardly understand
im just grindin to grind
though i dont do this for a livin
i do it for my self
so i wont call it giving
i write at leasts once a day
just cause i kno that i gotta
this man needs to write
like this man needs his watta
its for my sences ya kno
i might just go crazy
so i sort it all out
with my pen and some maybes
maybe its good
maybe it sucks
maybe it rocks
maybe its fuct
maybe its honest
maybe a lie
maybe ill stop
the day that i die
the pen and the pad
its the screen and my board
the gun and the knife
the pen vs the sword
who is the winner
if you chop of my hands
ill bite off your ears
then youll understand
lack of communication
maybe itll get better
there been so much sun
i want rain in my wether
so ill call it quits
you call it tits
this is the end
and this poem is shit:)

taday

so today was a day. no complaints. except for a meatloaf sandwich for work....seriously now a 5 star resturant...and meat loaf sandwhiches...what gives. but i got off early...work..i got off work early. you pervs. after that i went to work on my friend/pastors personal library. that rocks. so im organizing his library and when he expands the book store in his coffee shop im gonna run it. so im REALLY excited. i *heart* books. then i came home and talked to my roomate. he was like "was i an ass last night wehn i was drunk?" and i was like "HELL NO! you offered me and my friends pizza!" and he was like "WHATT! you had friends over?" lol so we talked and he fed me chicken. im sucha food whore. thats ok theres worse whores to be. after that i just read. and read. and wrote. and then im goin to sleep soon:). i love bein a lazy ass:D. ahh ok to many smilelys i must depart.

ugh...

ahhhhh!!!!
IM SCREAMIN
you hear me?
IM PLEADING
you see that?
IM BLEADIN
and its your fault
i could have done better?
those words cut to the bone
i fuct it up?
it takes 2 to make a home
it takes 2 to start a fight
and to to make it finished
you couldt forgive
YOU EXPECT US TO LIVE
with that hate in our lives
and im yellin what gives
ive never yelled
till the day i met you
how did this happen
is our love dying to?
communiations the key?
but we talk and we talk
and then you get mad
and you walk and you walk
and i cry and i cry
im so lost in the night
its darkness all around
rember that time you left
me alone at the ferry
i wanted to jump in and drown
god damn that was scary
i kno im not solid
no rock for a life
but i loved you to death
dreams with you as my wife
but not today or tomarrow
at this rate probably never
im feelin cold babe
could you hand me a sweater
lemme just leave
we can end it all now
wait you want me back?
ILL GET THERE SOME HOW
oh wait here it goes
ive heard this song before
i kno i fuct up
babe dont call me a whore
dont call you a bitch
but you called me a whore
were callin names now
we fuct this up some how
actin like chillder
if its not dyin were killin
say good bye to me now
im gone like the wind
and im not comin back
you can beg me and beg me
and plead and plead
but i have to stay gone
im not what you need
but you kno that now
the truth came to light
like the crack of the dawn
after then darkness of night

elliptical logic
kept in the closet
wider at one end
an narrowly forgotten
your thoughts betray you
logic malays you
dont hate on me
im just tryin to amaze you
but i aint nothin special
just tryin to wrestel
away from the edge
and make it all level
evolution the solution
or logical polution
double check your facts
reestablish your conclusion
a life built upon naturalism
were all here just for battlin
where is the hope
if darwin is the answermen'
morality is lost
truth in life is the cost
when everything is relative
hope for truth just stops
if were are all just evolved
then what problems will that solve
truth just came to be
to help us cope with cause
when all reality is gone
and you wake up in the morn
whats to stop a man
from taking what you own
if you want a base in truth
and what you crave is proof
look to a creator
not to this worlds goop

ok i hate this but i wrote it and if dont put the good with the bad what use am i

who freakin knows

i could talk for days
about exrapolatin rhymes
claim to be the master
of excrusiating lines
but really to see divine
do not look towards mine
what i do is unkind
what he does is so fine
it shines like a dime
on the concrete of life
surronded by grey
he shines so damn bright
and its alright to mimic
and call your self a gimic
but remeber theres a begining
and one day theyll be a finish
if you really wanna win it
call upon his name
fight your self the good fight
and play a good game
it wont be the same one day
where evil rules us all
hes gonna take it down
like a uber wrecking ball
so dont stall wait
hesitate debate
take this time to affilate
with one who is greater
the universal maker
life to all who love
and hell to all the haters
all that was made he made
and nothing that was made
was made with out
so when your looking sad
and feeling a bit in doubt
know hes there to love you
kno hes there to hug you
i call him my best friend
hes always there to bug you
or to be bugged and harassed
he loves when you ask
he loves when you talk
and he loves when you laugh
hes there for it all
thats why he made you
you wanna play the blame game
you sinned he didnt make you
wanna give up your will
but the choice is in your hands
is the world worth
missing the promise land?
you want change
and end to the pain
escape from the cycle
an ease to your brain
then you best start prayin
cause your makers been waitin
ive struggled for years
but i found me a great thing
so id encourage to do the same thing
all this time your waisting
you could be prasin god
cause souls are what hes saving
but its cool to be a fool
and cooler to be the man
but what ya gonna do
when you miss out on the plan?

to: her......from:me

i fuct it up this time
to many mistakes
is that why you called
to rub it in my face?
let me know that were done
its all just a tease
do you want all my tears
are you in love with my grief?
ya i still think about us
whats it to you
3 years of my life
whats a poor boy to do
i gave all that i had
it was never enough
i kno what weve done
i kno that im a fuck
what else do you want
besides my thoughs and my dreams
what else do you need
you have everything
but that was the past
and this is the present
i gave it to him
so your not gonna get it
not this time vic
im doin with the hurtin
ive got somethin better
though im not deservin
but dont think i hate you
or want you to suffer
i want you to get it to
maybe then be my lover
then maybe forgive
and give it a chance
until that day
my lifes in his hands
and after that day
his ill remain
no matter how much you try
thats not gonna change
i pray for you daily
but youd call it a lie
but ill keep on praying
its worth all my time
i love you to death
no one on earth can compare
from the way that you talk
to the beautiful hair
from the smile that gleams
to the heart that just gives
i pray for you daily
i want you to live
the life that we had
just wasent workin
i dont kno what else to say
besides im uncertain
i kno i still love you
and i miss you everyday
i want us to work
so i pray and i pray
i dont expect forgiveness
thats to much to ask
i just hope that you make it
and you life is a blast
but i pray for your soul
and i pray for your love
the only way to get it
from the guy up above

xxxx's

what a day what a day. i lost my keys last night. that sucked. and you kno what really sucked about it. any one who i told i lost em asked me the stupidest questoin in the world even more stupid the the word stupidest.."whered ya lose em at?" and my respose..."how the hell should i kno theyre lost!" but i found em today so all is well. besides that my x called me. and not just any x....the X you kno the one..hell you probably have one of your own. the one youd die to talk to but dont really want to. the one that drives you up the wall into the sharpened blades of your industrial ceiling fan. and she called to tell me i called her.....but i didnt...wtf is that about. why not just hey jon i missed you thought id see how you were doing. your gonna lie and say i called oyu when i kno damn well i didnt. do you think you can convince me that i did? im just gonna be like..."oh ya i remeber i was calling you to tell you such and such..." i mean seriously i have you 3 years of my life and yes i fuct up but you were no angel and you left me like a piece of warm rotten raw unedable meat. so im gonna call you after 3 months just to leave a message saying ill call you later. trust me if i did work up the balls to call you it would be a teary eyed "i cant live with out you i love you and think of you every day and its hard you breath when your not around call." im not smooth enough for any other. so now my mind has been in a haze all day. but ill survive. i always do. well i suppose thats enough for now maybe ill have some more clear thoughts later.

mwahahaha

ugh i really need to update more often. i always do this...start strong and then stop suddenly. well not this time. this is a short post but it is an important one cause i will repost again! so thats all for now im on my way out the door but i thought i should do this.

jbb