gone and back

as i sit back and think
and praise myself
i realize that
ive reached grave health
thinkin im living
givin out what im missin
stuck in my life
and frequently trippin
try to fallow a plan
and i cant even land
thinkin itll happen
i really need a hand
i fall on myself
plannin my life
think it goin on
but im losin the nights
dear god save me
will i be alright
its easy to get lost
even with proper focus
still fallin off
but thats how it goes shit
i can barely stay
with you
most of the time
rest of my thoughts
are lost on the grind
the life that i left
and regulary try to lose
dear god take this moment
please cut me loose
not from your self
but this life
thats got me trapped
let me focus on you
my walk and my raps
i sit here typin
reflectin on you
but i depend on myself
and every time im through
its foolish i kno
thats why i need you god
please show
how to escape this facad
this deceptive life
that always draws me in
leaves me defeated
and searching again
i think that i stopped
but some where i screwed up
lost sight of you
and got stuck on the bucks
stuck on the blunts
the drink and and the cracks
when dear god
can i have the last laugh
will it ever happen
that i look on my past
see that its gone
it truely has past
every time i look back
i get cought in the moment
back to the old shit
livin for the hope that
the game has changed
and the friends remain
but i head back again
and its always the same
i need to be tamed
changed from with in
stop with the frontin
and call on you my friend
its lost on me
all this shit i see
its crushing me father
i can barely breath
the lies that it takes
to keep this life alive
id rather have you
lettin me ride
please god come
free me tonight
i could go on and on
about how much i need you
i kno that your there god
i truely believe you
so ill only say it once more
how much i need you
ill do anything
even if i have to bleed too