late night sick kid ramblings

this song i love just came on its called, However Do You Want Me? by soul II soul...but its the acapella(sp?) version. so with its lyrics in mind i think im gonna base my poem that im about to write on its words.....they also sorta play to my feelings after readin through a cute couples blogs. so heres the lines

how ever do you want me?
how ever do you need me?


i look in the mirror
and see my reflectoin
a man full of struggles
in a moment of introspectoin
i have so many questions
but answers are lacking
staving off this depression
is that why im asking?

i wrote this but i realized ive been writing so many poems that rhyme with the same rhyming structure...so im just gonna do some free verse...but i sorta liked that so ima leave it and i might finish it later

ive gotta wonder some times
about the plans of my creator
i try to be so patient
but i just cant see the way
i dont understand it all
and i want it to make sence
just a little clearer picture
is all that im asking for
i try not to regret
how i became the man i am today
but when i reflect upon the past
all i see is what ive done
broken hearts,
lies uncounted,
pain so deep,
i dont kno how i did it
i didnt mean to
i didnt want to
but when i look back
its all regrets
theres so few moments
where im happy with my decisions
how can god use one
whos done damage like me
hes got a plan for us all
but i dont know if thats true
when i look at my life
and see all that ive done
i look forward
but it so hazy
i look back and its so clear
will the picture really change that much
i trust but i doubt
i have the faith of a fly
i couldnt move a grain of sand
let alone a mountain to the sea
i wish i was more
than the man that i am
i wish i had more to offer
to the god who loves me so
im so free and have joy
but my pain still burns
like a branding iron
pressed gently against my heart
but i can wait a few more moments
be patient a second longer
and when that fails ill pray
and hope the future becomes more clear