a heart of tears

its hard to explain
this hole in my heart
i look in my past and ask
where did it start?
im confused and diluted
ill wait in the wings
my bodys poluted
by everything
what can i do
im barely surviving
how do i live?
or are we just slowly dying?
where this pain come from
where is it going
how can i hide
i hope its not showing
ill just laugh and smile
pretend life is just free
but deep down im hurting
im paying you see
so ill ask you this
why are you still paying?
some ones already paid
why are you waiting?
its so unbearable
the hiding the struggle
its close the the surface
starting to bubble
you can wear the pain
it wont go away
or wallow in defeat
admit its here to stay
there so many ways to deal
but the dont make it easy
from sleeping around
to the bottle&bleezy(slang for blunt or pot filled cigar)
its just not the same
numb is not happy
but go head hide your pain
call me wistful and sappy
but theres so much more
an answer to questoins
an escape from your pain
its truely a blessing
if asked all the questions
sat there and wrestled
but i cant answer my questions
its a slow sinking vessel
and a vessel thats sinking
cant save its self
it needs something more
so powerful help
supernaturals the word
go head and scoff
ive abandoned my self
i carry my cross
my burdens not light
its not easy to bear
but with love in my heart
i dont even care
id rather have a moment
of this blissfulness
than have all of this world
including the rich
i cant make you believe
just show you the way
but you can chose your pain
if its where you want to stay