Day 9

So many lies, and so much fear. I am always afraid of, or worried about, or unnerved by something. The roll it takes on my family is massive. I need to co front who I am and whats holding me back. I need to war against my weakness so I can for once be strong for those I love. Ynlove is hurting, I know she is. And she will be for a long time. She still hurts from the last time I betrayed her. Bit this time is the last time I will betray her. She aches for me to keep the promises I have made and she told me truthfully that she can't survive this betrayal again. I was taught to cheat, to lie, and to move on when things get hard. Never will input her through that again. I turn 30 this year and I will not be the boy I was in the first half of my life. I will not be my father. I will break the cycle. For my partner, who I've betrayed, for my mother who was betrayed so many times by my father, and for my daughter who I will not raise to be a victim or an abuser. I love them and will give my self up and the child I have been, to become the man they all need and want me to be. I live this girl more than any other human I have ever met. She deserves and has earned the best if everything I have to give. I will not fail her again.